Health & Wellness – Page 2

“Don’t push the river…it flows by itself..” ~Chinese proverb

Stepping out of the rushing river of life for a moment is not only difficult to do, it’s difficult to remember to do. It almost belongs on a To-Do list: laundry, shopping, sitting still. How do we fit that into our day? Granted, it’s not really a chore. If it is, we’re not being present. But, for many, it’s also probably not up there on the list of “Fun Things To Do in my Spare Time.”

Yet, regular practice of sitting still and being present can soften hardship and exhilarate joy. It allows the daily dust to settle and clears the fog of frenzy so that clarity of thought and pureness of heart can take their rightful places at the table.

Slow down. Invite the best parts of yourself. Welcome each to their place setting. Then quietly sit among them: patience, compassion, endurance, forgiveness. Offer them nourishment as you feast on silence. Refill their plates when they ask for seconds. Some have arrived malnourished. Dine on dignity, then toss the scraps of doubt.

When you and your guests are full, bid each one farewell. Invite them again, often. They will show their appreciation in ways that will surprise you.

Bon appetit!

The Joy of Conflict?

“Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.” ~M. Esther Harding

Conflict. It’s something most of us shy away from. After all, we paid our dues as teenagers, didn’t we? Oh. Maybe that was just me. But, now as independent adults, we can choose to avoid it, like choosing whether or not to make the bed or do our chores.

What’s the point of conflict anyway? Shouldn’t we avoid it…even when it’s unavoidable? Make cookies, not war…and that sort of thing? Don’t we want world peace starting with the person in the mirror? I’m conflicted about conflict. When given the choice between fight or flight, the latter seems more enjoyable, especially if I’m headed to a tropical island!

Conflict, though, can be a positive thing, an opportunity. An opportunity for growth and change. Most of us resist change too, happily strolling along until life threatens to create so much conflict or major crises that we are forced to change. Why not nip it in the bud and embrace it?

Hey, Change! I see you comin.’ You’re cleverly disguised as Conflict. Ha! You’re not foolin’ me! And I’m not afraid of you…mostly. Yeah. Watch me bend and let you roll off my back. And if you come back with more, I’ll do the same. So there!

Conflict shouldn’t be about “fight or flight.” It should be about resist or grow, and asking ourselves: What am I seeing about myself in this conflict? What is trying to emerge in me? How am I participating? Where am I needing to grow? Where am I falling short?

Today I will search for the gap within myself and do my best to close it. I will see Conflict for what it is: an opportunity for me to discover my best self.

Oh, Conflict! Who knew a silver lining was part of your clever disguise, you rascal!

This was adapted from my older blog, Words of Wisdom.

Cognitive Dissonance

“Wisdom is tolerance of cognitive dissonance.” ~Robert Thurman

Lexico.com gives this definition of “cognitive dissonance:” the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

I had a dream last night that I was to take dictation from a classmate when they call, type it up, and hand it in when I get to class because they are unable to go. This may have been a message from my Spirit Guides to “take dictation” from them.

Over the past several months, I had been extremely irritated by two family members. Different issues, but my ruminations about both were the same. How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me? Not blatant critique, but subtle and underhanded, the kind of criticism that’s not obvious at first, but over time erodes my tolerance of their every word.

The most recent exchange drove me to block one of them on Gmail–which I had to google having never done that before. But, immediately afterward I questioned myself. Did I overreact? Am I a bad person? Isn’t the answer always Love? Love thine enemy? But how do I weigh Love and care of myself against Love of their “lost” souls? Shouldn’t I protect myself from constant attack or at least take a respite from my inner work? Is it wrong to evade self-reflection about what each of them is showing me about myself: old hurts that I’m tired of feeling?

A messy scene. My baggage clashes with their baggage. A jumble of backpacks and suitcases thrown open with our contents strewn about and mixed up until I can’t tell whose stuff is whose. This is the only time I wish my baggage would get lost or sent to Hawaii or Curaçao so I could go there to claim it!

They’ve both burned bridges with other people: friends and family. It’s not just me. They both thrive on conflict. They seem to get pleasure out of stirring the pot and inviting arguments for argument’s sake over politics or over…any subject will do.

So, no. It’s not wrong for me to disengage from petty unwinnable arguments with people who believe only they are right. They don’t like to be wrong. They prefer to prevail. I believe they’d make great lawyers if it weren’t for an over-inflated sense of entitlement in one, and alcoholism in the other.

I don’t enjoy being wrong either, but I am open to other opinions and discussions to reach a new understanding. I draw the line at personal attacks that buzz in like haloed hornets with smiles sweet enough to boil my blood. I am more than willing to let down my guard if/when they stop giving me reasons to keep it up.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep my distance. From here, far away from the flying barbs, I can try to find in my heart an iota of Love and compassion for them at some point. I can ponder–or not–what might have made them like this. I can dwell on truths about myself.

Dear Self:

Remember that how others treat you is telling of who they are, not an indicator of who you are. It’s ok to take a respite from the battle. It’s ok to feel anger, hurt, and rage. No, you are not a bad person, and, dear one, neither are they. It’s just a clash of baggage.

Take all the time you need to return to your own peace of mind. Once there, you can choose to allow your heart and Higher Self to sense compassion. You can’t change others, you can only change your response to them. But do know that All are Loved.

P.S. So, yeah. A few days after originally posting this, I opened the book by Gay Hendricks titled, The Big Leap. My mind was far away from the issue of this post. I opened to a random page using both thumbs, as I often do when I feel a message is there for me. Reading the passage felt like hearing musical dissonance resolve into harmony:

“If we’re in the grip of worrying while someone around us isn’t, we seem to have an almost uncontrollable urge to criticize that person until he or she jumps into the stream of negativity with us.”

Ahh…so that’s what’s going on. This message from my Spirit Guides answered my original question: How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me?

Answer: With understanding and compassion.

Dragonfly Wings

**“Dragonflies are reminders that we are light and we can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so.” ~ Robyn Nola**

Three dragonflies caught my attention recently. One was staring me in the face as I raised the bedroom shade to let in sunlight one morning, unable to move from its spread-eagle position, caught in a perfectly woven spider web against the screen.

One landed on my husband’s pointer finger as he was holding our one-year old granddaughter.

One stood atop an ornate wrought iron fence in the shade as I strolled by on a sunny July morning. “Write about me,” he said.

Dragonfly wings are translucent, so delicate, and vulnerable. Have you noticed? If these friendly insects are lucky enough to live out their short six-month lives–most die tragically young, caught by predators– their wings face the daily risk of damage, or of being caught in a hungry spider’s web. Luckily, some are still able to fly and catch food even if a wing is damaged or missing.

Our wings are delicate and vulnerable, too, or so we perceive them to be. We believe our ability to fly, to soar is damaged, hindered by our past, caught in the web of injustices and hurt, by flawed parents or an unenlightened society. Some of us, frozen with fear, flutter in the breeze as we choose to stay stuck in the gummy net of early childhood experiences.

But we are not physically stuck. That would be weird! We are mentally, emotionally, and/or psychologically stuck. I know! That seems worse in a way, doesn’t it? We point to our broken, tattered wings and blame others, giving away our power without realizing it.

What do we gain from staying stuck? Perhaps an excuse not to face fears, not to feel grief or pain, not to grow and expand into the being we started out as. We choose instead to stay in our uncomfortable “comfort zone.”

A diamond doesn’t get to become a diamond by lying like a lump of coal, doing nothing, binge-watching Netflix, scrolling for hours on Facebook to see who ate what on which day and where. No. A diamond must endure a lot of pressure and come out of it strong enough to cut glass ceilings and become a reflector of light.

Break free of your past. It may have shaped you, but it does not define you. Obstacles were placed before you for a reason, so that you would rise up and share your knowledge with the world about overcoming adversity in what ever way feels best to you.

“Take these broken wings and learn to fly,” wrote Paul McCartney. Learn to be a reflector of light.

It’s the thought that counts.

Today I’ve decided to watch my diet of thoughts more than my diet of food.

While vacationing in Curacao this past May, I noticed something: my recent chronic physical symptoms of seeming ph imbalance, i.e. sores in my mouth from an excess of sugar or salt, candida build up at the corners of my lips, and a looming threat of a yeast infection. I know…TMI! No, that’s not a disease, that’s Too Much Information! Ok, then look away. Go check Facebook and stop reading! I’m trying to work something out here! 😛

So, at this all-inclusive resort that I was lucky enough to afford, I was drinking alcohol (sugar) every day, inviting carbs (sugar) back into my diet, and practicing leniency when asked, “Would you like to see the dessert menu?” (more sugar)

My ph should have gone further out of whack, but it didn’t. I had a higher tolerance for “bad” foods. What was different?

My thoughts. My thoughts were different. I was in my tropical, seaside, pina-colada-induced, feet up, no obligations, stress-free element of bliss and joy.

The build-up of stress from the past six months had taken its toll: full-time job while enrolled in two classes for credit towards a degree; daughter going through the rigors of a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation; my car breaking down and draining my bank account; my cat being diagnosed with diabetes and needing twice-daily insulin shots, not to mention mounting vet bills.

My life as a sad country song had become a broken record! Something had to give!

Ok, back to the scene of a tropical vacation paradise. Ahhhh… So, yeah. Being in joy for a week cleared up all the physical symptoms that stress had compounded.

Moral of the story, if there is one: If you can’t fly off to your place of paradise…Be very strict about eating healthy food when stressed out to maintain ph balance in your body, even though we are biologically driven to reach for comfort food in those times.

Be just as strict with your diet of thoughts.

This means: battle stress by releasing worry thoughts. There are infinite possibilities for how things turn out and we don’t know until we know, so be a ninja warrior about keeping your thoughts in the present moment where your power is. Be a warrior, not a worrier.