What is going on??

Most people hate uncertainty, not-knowing. This explains the popularity of psychics. But even psychics, the real ones, are not given specific information about your future to pass along. If they do “invoke” such information, they are likely fakes and cashing in on your fear of the unknown or your desperate need to know.

We humans are not given specific answers from our Higher selves nor from Spirit Guides/God/Universe. We are here to learn, develop, and grow. These juicy gifts of life on Earth won’t happen if we’re provided the answers to why, how, when, who, etc. Just as in school, we’d be cheating ourselves if we were given all the answers to our future.

We come into this life with no memory from before, and no foresight into what lies ahead. It’s the journey. It’s the journey. It’s the journey. Since we have no choice but to accept this fact, we might as well relax into the not-knowing.

But with help, we can gain valuable insight into possible and probably outcomes, cause and effect, amid our free will to choose. Sometimes answers come from just sitting in silence.

If you need to bypass that part due to lack of time or inability to concentrate, I can help by accessing your Spirit Guides through my own Guides in order shed some light on some of life’s issues: conflicts at work, relationship troubles, career changes, etc.

Sometimes just having a listening ear–from someone who’s not busy watching a screen–can help to talk it out and resolve problems.

Find me on Facebook here, and let’s see if we can untangle some issues and see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. ❤

The message: You are a diamond.

The following is a partial transcript of a reading I did for myself recently. I decided to share this portion in hopes that the message may benefit others, to be reminded that we are all diamonds.

It begins with the voice of my Spirit Guides.

Our advice is to just continue, things will pan out. Patients and practice. A new day is definitely coming. You will be a part of that.  You will be needed, you will be called upon to help in your best capacity.  Is there anything else that you wish to ask?

Uh, yeah…at the moment I’m not feeling like I’m reaching very high to give a reading to myself.  Why is that?

Are you feeling love? Are you feeling love for yourself? Are you feeling patience, patience with yourself?  Or are you kicking yourself for not being something or further along or somehow doing something wrong? You are in exactly the right place. There are no regrets to be had. Love and honor yourself right where you are.  Right. Where. You. Are. 

Feel the love for yourself that you would for a small child. Honor those feelings.  Honor everything about you, your sadness, your weakness, your strength, your excitement, your confidence, and stop kicking yourself for not being better, further along or doing something different.  You are enough as you are.  We didn’t misguide you.  You have been following our guidance.  At times it may seem that we’re going off on a tangent, but sometimes that is necessary for you to learn other skills to bring back to your path.  So don’t worry about it. 

You are exactly on the right path, exactly where you need to be.  And this will continue.  We only a advise that you pay attention to when you are not loving yourself and expecting more perhaps because your parents expected more.  They are gone, they are gone. 

You can be proud of yourself.  You can love yourself just as you are.  You are enough.  There is no need to compare yourself to others and feel that you should be more than you are.  You will be called upon when the time is ready for you to use your gifts and your skills to help others. You are loved, greatly loved.  We wish only that you feel this love for yourself and how great it is.  You are a diamond.  You are a diamond, multifaceted diamond.

We will sign off now and we wish you great love, great health, and great movement forward at your own pace.

Cognitive Dissonance

“Wisdom is tolerance of cognitive dissonance.”  ~Robert Thurman

Lexico.com gives this definition of “cognitive dissonance:” the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

I had a dream last night that I was to take dictation from a classmate when they call, type it up, and hand it in when I get to class because they are unable to go. This may have been a message from my Spirit Guides to “take dictation” from them.

Over the past several months, I had been extremely irritated by two family members. Different issues, but my ruminations about both were the same. How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me? Not blatant critique, but subtle and underhanded, the kind of criticism that’s not obvious at first, but over time erodes my tolerance of their every word.

The most recent exchange drove me to block one of them on Gmail–which I had to google having never done that before. But, immediately afterward I questioned myself. Did I overreact? Am I a bad person? Isn’t the answer always Love? Love thine enemy? But how do I weigh Love and care of myself against Love of their “lost” souls? Shouldn’t I protect myself from constant attack or at least take a respite from my inner work? Is it wrong to evade self-reflection about what each of them is showing me about myself: old hurts that I’m tired of feeling?

A messy scene. My baggage clashes with their baggage. A jumble of backpacks and suitcases thrown open with our contents strewn about and mixed up until I can’t tell whose stuff is whose. This is the only time I wish my baggage would get lost or sent to Hawaii or Curaçao so I could go there to claim it!

They’ve both burned bridges with other people: friends and family. It’s not just me. They both thrive on conflict. They seem to get pleasure out of stirring the pot and inviting arguments for argument’s sake over politics or over…any subject will do.

So, no. It’s not wrong for me to disengage from petty unwinnable arguments with people who believe only they are right. They don’t like to be wrong. They prefer to prevail. I believe they’d make great lawyers if it weren’t for an over-inflated sense of entitlement in one, and alcoholism in the other.

I don’t enjoy being wrong either, but I am open to other opinions and discussions to reach a new understanding. I draw the line at personal attacks that buzz in like haloed hornets with smiles sweet enough to boil my blood. I am more than willing to let down my guard if/when they stop giving me reasons to keep it up.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep my distance. From here, far away from the flying barbs, I can try to find in my heart an iota of Love and compassion for them at some point. I can ponder–or not–what might have made them like this. I can dwell on truths about myself.

            Dear Self:

            Remember that how others treat you is telling of who they are, not an indicator of who you are. It’s ok to take a respite from the battle. It’s ok to feel anger, hurt, and rage. No, you are not a bad person, and, dear one, neither are they. It’s just a clash of baggage.

            Take all the time you need to return to your own peace of mind. Once there, you can choose to allow your heart and Higher Self to sense compassion. You can’t change others, you can only change your response to them. But do know that All are Loved.

P.S. So, yeah. A few days after originally posting this, I opened the book by Gay Hendricks titled, The Big Leap. My mind was far away from the issue of this post. I opened to a random page using both thumbs, as I often do when I feel a message is there for me. Reading the passage felt like hearing musical dissonance resolve into harmony:

“If we’re in the grip of worrying while someone around us isn’t, we seem to have an almost uncontrollable urge to criticize that person until he or she jumps into the stream of negativity with us.”

Ahh…so that’s what’s going on. This message from my Spirit Guides answered my original question: How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me?

Answer: With understanding and compassion.

Insomnia allows for answers.

“There are twelve hours in the day, and about fifty in the night.” ~ Marie de Rabutin-Chantal

It was my third night in a row of insomnia. My brain was latched onto a problem that had persisted over months of back and forth, leaving me feeling out of control, overwhelmed, and unable to let go. In my view, it was taking too long to resolve and I had very little control over the issue. It felt like the slow, painful removal of a very large bandaid.

The “witching hour” seemed to always be 3 a.m. Each night I tried to concentrate on my breathing, change my focus, practice conscious relaxation, but none of those worked. I couldn’t release the buzz in my brain or my limbs. The haunting hovered in my head.

It is suggested that when you can’t fall back to sleep, you should get out of bed and do something with low-lighting that avoids looking at screens. I went downstairs to listen to a guided relaxation, but even that didn’t help. I came back upstairs feeling helpless and out of control. I begged my Spirit Guides for help. Please show me a sign that you are listening.

Distraught, I lay on the couch, my cat gently snoring on the floor beneath me. Ah! Petting animals is supposed to lower blood pressure. I reached down and pet him for a bit, still feeling lost.

On the coffee table I spied a book that I had taken off the shelf a few weeks earlier: How to Be an Adult by David Richo. I picked it up thinking it might be a useful distraction. Or, there may be a message in there for me that I am supposed to read.

With the book closed in my hands, and both thumbs resting on the pages, I randomly opened to a page that I sensed I was supposed to read. On the right side was a new chapter about adult relationships. Whatever, I thought. That’s not where the problem is. That’s where I get the most support.

On the opposite page, was the following quote:

What is hard to appreciate, when terror shapes a catastrophic gap, is that blankness can be a Fertile Void. The Fertile Void is the existential metaphor for giving up the familiar supports of the present and trusting the momentum of life to produce new opportunities and vistas.” Erving and Miriam Polster, Gestalt Therapy Integrated

It exactly matched what I needed to hear. Therein was my answer and the sign I had asked for. I felt a release of tension, a letting go. It helped me sleep.

When we’re in the throes of uncertainty about how to get through a difficult period, the best solution is to relax into the unknown by giving over our trust to a Higher Power that all things will work out in their own time with an often better than expected ending.

The “Fertile Void” is that gap of not knowing, that place of hanging in limbo in the present where things beyond our control–and out of our view–are being orchestrated.