The Road to Remission

Synopsis: HEALING = LOVE OF ONESELF

My guess is that we all know someone near and dear to our hearts who is suffering from a serious illness. Or you, yourself, may be in that condition. Psychologically it’s an unnerving place to be, teetering between uncertainty and hope about the outcome.

When life comes at us this way, like a train wreck, it causes us to look within and without to the cosmos for reasons. Most of us are wired to seek answers, to seek knowledge, to better the planet, to better ourselves. To heal.

Author Anita Moorjani, who battled cancer for years right into the hands of an NDE (Near Death Experience), wrote in her book, Dying To Be Me, “To cherish myself, was the key to my healing. To be me is to be love. This is the lesson that saved my life”.

Can it really be that simple? Maybe we can learn from the lessons she took from her NDE. Let’s take a look. It can’t hurt.

Some people bristle at the notion of loving oneself. It can bring up feelings of guilt and unworthiness or thoughts of ego inflation.

Self-love is not selfish. Love is who we are. Selfish is an earthly human judgment and often stems from a deeply felt insecurity. Insecurity is fear. Fear is limiting. Being Love is expansive. It dissipates fear and rises above the duality of judgment between right and wrong. It just is.

Our childhoods were filled with lessons of right and wrong, as our parents or caregivers–sans playbook on perfect parenting–did their best to instill in us societal do’s and don’ts.

Our essence of Being love slowly got whittled down into conformity to social norms. “Be this way so you don’t embarrass us.”

It can take a lifetime to unlearn some of the teachings of well-meaning parents who loved us or who, we perceive, didn’t love us enough.

And it can take years to develop a disease, which, I believe, is an indicator that we haven’t yet cleared the path back to Love of Self.

How do we get there? Am I even on the path or have I wandered into the brambles?

No matter. Wherever you are, start there. Your actions of self-love will lead you back. Try courting yourself like you’ve just fallen in Love.

  • Splurge on 5 bucks for a bouquet of fresh flowers, from you to you.
  • Draw a bubble bath, candlelit for ambiance, music for relaxation and inspiration.
  • Watch your favorite movie in your pjs.
  • Give yourself a hug, a foot and shoulder massage, a pat on the back.
  • Take a 5 min. respite, away from the needs of others, in the bathroom where solitude and privacy is “acceptable.”
  • Make decisions based on your needs first and stick to them despite feelings of guilt. Guilt is self-judgment, not self-love.
  • Make a list of things you love to look at, to do, to feel, to hear. Then seek those out.
  • Show yourself unconditional love, as you would a friend or a loved one.
  • Say, “I love you” in the mirror. This can be very powerful. Feel it, truly feel it as you say it.

You don’t have to be perfect. Perfection is a judgment which is unattainable! Allow yourself the beauty of imperfection. Love yourself unconditionally.

You’re already on The Road to Remission.

To Giraffe or not to Giraffe

Is this pandemic causing each of us to go deeply inward to the place we truly are? Are we realizing how delicate life is? How temporary? I know many people who have come out of hiding, including me.

It took me years, well into adulthood to express publicly my psychic and channeling abilities. My fears included thoughts like, “But…what about those people who don’t approve? The skeptics? They’ll think I’m a fake. They’ll look at me weird.

“What about them? They seem to have no problem expressing who they are, whether or not you agree with them. They haven’t withered away into oblivion just because you don’t share their beliefs. And neither will you,” my Higher Self reminds me.

“You have this ability in order to help others. Those who do believe and those who are in need will find you. If you shut down this essential part of yourself and keep it hidden, whom are you helping?”

Everyone is on their own path, their own level of spiritual evolution, of believing in what they believe. And that is ok. If you base your actions on what you think others believe, you are short-changing not only yourself, but those who need your help.

That’s like a giraffe lowering its head to conform to other animals, but then not being able to reach the leaves high above to feed others or their young.

But how do I distinguish my outer-world personality from my inner-world Knowing Self? How do I reach higher?

That’s easy…and hard. It involves stopping all action, sitting still, and being–experiencing–this tiny, singular moment, where breathing happens, where sound happens, where sensing happens.

Thoughts happen, too, but they need to be tamed–not eliminated–just tamed. They need to know that you’re the one in control. Thoughts are like children. They pull you this way and that toward what they want to focus on. Thoughts pull you out of the present and into the past.

Thoughts pull you into the future where attachment happens, where hopes, dreams, and desperation, fear, and worry happen.

But, the present is just the present where You, your Higher Self, your every breath, exist now, in this tiny moment.

Ask yourself: Am I OK in this moment? The answer is almost always, Yes.

But I can’t figure out ____________.
That’s OK. Let go. The answer will come. It happens in the future.

But I feel regret about ____________.
That’s OK. That was then, unchangeable. It happened in the past.

What is the value of this moment?

This moment is where your power lies. The power to make decisions. To intuit answers. To listen to your Higher Self. To feel your next impulse of inspiration toward your goal. To expand in abundance and success. To choose to feel gratitude. To choose to feel Love.

Use this moment to stop all action, sit still, close your eyes, and sense your Higher Self or your Spirit Guides. Ask them how they would handle a certain situation. Ask your questions in this moment of stillness.

Now that they have your attention, and because you asked, they will answer. Maybe not immediately. Sometimes answers arrive within hours, sometimes days. Be open.

In this moment of stillness, you can discover your deepest self wanting to rise and be seen, so that you can share it with the world.

Click here for my guided meditation on “risking your significance.” ❤

“Don’t push the river…it flows by itself..” ~Chinese proverb

Stepping out of the rushing river of life for a moment is not only difficult to do, it’s difficult to remember to do. It almost belongs on a To-Do list: laundry, shopping, sitting still. How do we fit that into our day? Granted, it’s not really a chore. If it is, we’re not being present. But, for many, it’s also probably not up there on the list of “Fun Things To Do in my Spare Time.”

Yet, regular practice of sitting still and being present can soften hardship and exhilarate joy. It allows the daily dust to settle and clears the fog of frenzy so that clarity of thought and pureness of heart can take their rightful places at the table.

Slow down. Invite the best parts of yourself. Welcome each to their place setting. Then quietly sit among them: patience, compassion, endurance, forgiveness. Offer them nourishment as you feast on silence. Refill their plates when they ask for seconds. Some have arrived malnourished. Dine on dignity, then toss the scraps of doubt.

When you and your guests are full, bid each one farewell. Invite them again, often. They will show their appreciation in ways that will surprise you.

Bon appetit!

The Joy of Conflict?

“Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.” ~M. Esther Harding

Conflict. It’s something most of us shy away from. After all, we paid our dues as teenagers, didn’t we? Oh. Maybe that was just me. But, now as independent adults, we can choose to avoid it, like choosing whether or not to make the bed or do our chores.

What’s the point of conflict anyway? Shouldn’t we avoid it…even when it’s unavoidable? Make cookies, not war…and that sort of thing? Don’t we want world peace starting with the person in the mirror? I’m conflicted about conflict. When given the choice between fight or flight, the latter seems more enjoyable, especially if I’m headed to a tropical island! 

Conflict, though, can be a positive thing, an opportunity. An opportunity for growth and change. Most of us resist change too, happily strolling along until life threatens to create so much conflict or major crises that we are forced to change. Why not nip it in the bud and embrace it?

Hey, Change! I see you comin.’ You’re cleverly disguised as Conflict. Ha! You’re not foolin’ me! And I’m not afraid of you…mostly. Yeah. Watch me bend and let you roll off my back. And if you come back with more, I’ll do the same. So there!

Conflict shouldn’t be about “fight or flight.” It should be about resist or grow, and asking ourselves: What am I seeing about myself in this conflict? What is trying to emerge in me? How am I participating? Where am I needing to grow? Where am I falling short? 

Today I will search for the gap within myself and do my best to close it. I will see Conflict for what it is: an opportunity for me to discover my best self.

Oh, Conflict! Who knew a silver lining was part of your clever disguise, you rascal!

This was adapted from my older blog, Words of Wisdom.

Cognitive Dissonance

“Wisdom is tolerance of cognitive dissonance.”  ~Robert Thurman

Lexico.com gives this definition of “cognitive dissonance:” the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

I had a dream last night that I was to take dictation from a classmate when they call, type it up, and hand it in when I get to class because they are unable to go. This may have been a message from my Spirit Guides to “take dictation” from them.

Over the past several months, I had been extremely irritated by two family members. Different issues, but my ruminations about both were the same. How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me? Not blatant critique, but subtle and underhanded, the kind of criticism that’s not obvious at first, but over time erodes my tolerance of their every word.

The most recent exchange drove me to block one of them on Gmail–which I had to google having never done that before. But, immediately afterward I questioned myself. Did I overreact? Am I a bad person? Isn’t the answer always Love? Love thine enemy? But how do I weigh Love and care of myself against Love of their “lost” souls? Shouldn’t I protect myself from constant attack or at least take a respite from my inner work? Is it wrong to evade self-reflection about what each of them is showing me about myself: old hurts that I’m tired of feeling?

A messy scene. My baggage clashes with their baggage. A jumble of backpacks and suitcases thrown open with our contents strewn about and mixed up until I can’t tell whose stuff is whose. This is the only time I wish my baggage would get lost or sent to Hawaii or Curaçao so I could go there to claim it!

They’ve both burned bridges with other people: friends and family. It’s not just me. They both thrive on conflict. They seem to get pleasure out of stirring the pot and inviting arguments for argument’s sake over politics or over…any subject will do.

So, no. It’s not wrong for me to disengage from petty unwinnable arguments with people who believe only they are right. They don’t like to be wrong. They prefer to prevail. I believe they’d make great lawyers if it weren’t for an over-inflated sense of entitlement in one, and alcoholism in the other.

I don’t enjoy being wrong either, but I am open to other opinions and discussions to reach a new understanding. I draw the line at personal attacks that buzz in like haloed hornets with smiles sweet enough to boil my blood. I am more than willing to let down my guard if/when they stop giving me reasons to keep it up.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep my distance. From here, far away from the flying barbs, I can try to find in my heart an iota of Love and compassion for them at some point. I can ponder–or not–what might have made them like this. I can dwell on truths about myself.

            Dear Self:

            Remember that how others treat you is telling of who they are, not an indicator of who you are. It’s ok to take a respite from the battle. It’s ok to feel anger, hurt, and rage. No, you are not a bad person, and, dear one, neither are they. It’s just a clash of baggage.

            Take all the time you need to return to your own peace of mind. Once there, you can choose to allow your heart and Higher Self to sense compassion. You can’t change others, you can only change your response to them. But do know that All are Loved.

P.S. So, yeah. A few days after originally posting this, I opened the book by Gay Hendricks titled, The Big Leap. My mind was far away from the issue of this post. I opened to a random page using both thumbs, as I often do when I feel a message is there for me. Reading the passage felt like hearing musical dissonance resolve into harmony:

“If we’re in the grip of worrying while someone around us isn’t, we seem to have an almost uncontrollable urge to criticize that person until he or she jumps into the stream of negativity with us.”

Ahh…so that’s what’s going on. This message from my Spirit Guides answered my original question: How do I deal with their constant negativity and critique of me?

Answer: With understanding and compassion.