Self-Discovery – Page 2

Becoming a Match to Your Soul Mate

(You can find the audio version here.)

Dear Universe, I see lovers all around me. I myself have fallen in and out of love, or what I thought was love. Where is MY soul mate? When is it my turn to meet someone that matches who I am?

You may be having these thoughts. We’ve all been there. We’ve known heartaches. We’ve had relationships fire and then fizzle out. We wonder: what am I doing wrong? Why do I keep choosing mates that I outgrow or who outgrow me?

Manifesting anything in this creative life requires a unique recipe of letting go, unlearning the past, and reclaiming the future. It sounds daunting and mystifying, doesn’t it?

But if we take it one step at a time, and begin where we are, we can create a life of fulfilled desires. Bear with me here, this is not a fairytale of happily ever after. It will take a bit of work on your part. Let’s explore it together.

Let’s start with Step 1. Letting go. What does that even mean? Am I to let go of all my dreams, hopes and desires? No. Letting go means releasing any sense of urgency or desperation for what you desire. You may have heard people say, “As soon as I stopped trying, caring, or focusing on something, it happened, effortlessly.

So, let’s keep that in mind as we go forward. Let go of the desperate need and the feeling of urgency. Try that for a moment. Just take a breath and see what it feels like to just let go of those “must have” feelings and thoughts. [pause] Good.

Now, the next step is to unlearn the past. Here’s where the real work begins. Are you up for it? Before you answer, let’s see what we’re getting ourselves into. What are you asking of me, Janniejoy?

Let me start by saying that beliefs and expectations are stronger than hopes and desires. This means that the beliefs we have about ourselves and what we actually intend, will win the day every time.

We may desire a more loving relationship, but have no intention of doing the inner work it may require. We may want better health, but are not willing to give up the foods or drinks that can help us achieve that.

Let’s see if we can strengthen our beliefs and expectations about our ability to manifest what we desire.

One of the Laws of the Universe says that it will consistently prove our beliefs to be right. If we believe we are not enough, that we are unworthy of Love and respect, the Universe will bring experiences and relationships that support that belief.

Equally, the Universe will bring us experiences and people in our lives that match a belief that we ARE lovable and worthy of respect. How we treat ourselves is how we will be treated.

Are there ways in which you dishonor yourself? [pause] Do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Did you feel dishonored as a child by parents, caretakers or family members?

We can’t change the past, but we can begin to change the pattern that was set forth before we felt empowered to make our own way in the world. We can unlearn how we were dismissed or not loved as a child so that we can begin to recognize how we do this to ourselves without even realizing it.

Start to notice the small moments when you discount your own needs in favor of those of others. This can be a difficult role to change, especially if it is so engrained that others have come to expect this of us.

Only when we learn how to honor and love ourselves will we find someone worthy of our love. We attract those who are equal to how well we treat ourselves. How we treat ourselves is how we will be treated. How much we love ourselves is how much we will be loved in a relationship.

What can we do right now to show ourselves Love, kindness, and respect? Make a list. What thoughts can we entertain to support self-love? Self-love is not narcissistic or selfish or egotistical. Those shortcomings result from a much deeper insecurity.

Love and honoring oneself is how we are meant to be. We were born of Love, held by Love, whether in someone’s arms or in Nature’s heart of which you are a unique and significant part.

Rather than chip away at ourselves in the mirror, we can focus on what we love about ourselves. Our eyes, our laughter, our smarts, our resourcefulness, our resilience, our intention to be loving and helpful others.

We are so much more than what is reflected in the mirror. We know love, we know pain, we know empathy, we know what we’ve endured, and how far we’ve come. We know what lies within that is waiting to be called upon, to be recognized, to be loved, unconditionally.

And last but not least, let’s reclaim our future by being present in the present. Be happy now, not I’ll be happy when. Let’s not give away our power to some future by tossing our happiness up ahead somewhere on our path. Count blessings now. Find joy now. Make a list of what’s going right. Jot down the things you love about yourself. Be happy now.

Becoming a match to your soul mate in this creative life requires a unique recipe of letting go of urgency and desperation, unlearning our childhood past, and reclaiming the future by finding happiness in the present. Not daunting at all. Let go, and enjoy the journey.

I will leave you with a quote by the 13^th century poet, Rumi, who said: “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

To Giraffe or not to Giraffe

Is this pandemic causing each of us to go deeply inward to the place we truly are? Are we realizing how delicate life is? How temporary? I know many people who have come out of hiding, including me.

It took me years, well into adulthood to express publicly my psychic and channeling abilities. My fears included thoughts like, “But…what about those people who don’t approve? The skeptics? They’ll think I’m a fake. They’ll look at me weird.

“What about them? They seem to have no problem expressing who they are, whether or not you agree with them. They haven’t withered away into oblivion just because you don’t share their beliefs. And neither will you,” my Higher Self reminds me.

“You have this ability in order to help others. Those who do believe and those who are in need will find you. If you shut down this essential part of yourself and keep it hidden, whom are you helping?”

Everyone is on their own path, their own level of spiritual evolution, of believing in what they believe. And that is ok. If you base your actions on what you think others believe, you are short-changing not only yourself, but those who need your help.

That’s like a giraffe lowering its head to conform to other animals, but then not being able to reach the leaves high above to feed others or their young.

But how do I distinguish my outer-world personality from my inner-world Knowing Self? How do I reach higher?

That’s easy…and hard. It involves stopping all action, sitting still, and being–experiencing–this tiny, singular moment, where breathing happens, where sound happens, where sensing happens.

Thoughts happen, too, but they need to be tamed–not eliminated–just tamed. They need to know that you’re the one in control. Thoughts are like children. They pull you this way and that toward what they want to focus on. Thoughts pull you out of the present and into the past.

Thoughts pull you into the future where attachment happens, where hopes, dreams, and desperation, fear, and worry happen.

But, the present is just the present where You, your Higher Self, your every breath, exist now, in this tiny moment.

Ask yourself: Am I OK in this moment? The answer is almost always, Yes.

But I can’t figure out ____________.
That’s OK. Let go. The answer will come. It happens in the future.

But I feel regret about ____________.
That’s OK. That was then, unchangeable. It happened in the past.

What is the value of this moment?

This moment is where your power lies. The power to make decisions. To intuit answers. To listen to your Higher Self. To feel your next impulse of inspiration toward your goal. To expand in abundance and success. To choose to feel gratitude. To choose to feel Love.

Use this moment to stop all action, sit still, close your eyes, and sense your Higher Self or your Spirit Guides. Ask them how they would handle a certain situation. Ask your questions in this moment of stillness.

Now that they have your attention, and because you asked, they will answer. Maybe not immediately. Sometimes answers arrive within hours, sometimes days. Be open.

In this moment of stillness, you can discover your deepest self wanting to rise and be seen, so that you can share it with the world.

Click here for my guided meditation on “risking your significance.” ❤

Differences

“We find comfort among those who agree with us–growth among those who don’t.” ~Frank A. Clark

Thank goodness for the differences in the world! Without them we would sit fat and happy in the mud, never leaving our comfort zone, never yearning for more, never seeking betterment of ourselves and the world, blissfully squishing the clay between our toes.

Hmmm…let me sit for a moment with that image. There is definitely something to be said for squishing mud between one’s toes.

But, after a while, even that would become boring. We need the stimulation of adversity: hot sun and cooling rain from which springs forth new ideas and impetus. The dirt around us thickens and hardens, then softens again with a shower inspiring change and growth.

It is not easy to shed the shell we grow around us, to break through tough layers and bare our souls to ourselves and the world. Growing pains abound and we feel tempted again to shrink back into the safety we know too well.

“Agree with me so I don’t have to grow. Be like me so I don’t have to open my mind. Go my way so I can easily understand you and the world. Look like me so I don’t have to trust and open my heart.”

And yet, with all the deflecting of darts and daggers, compressing of compassion, sorting out of broken-heart shrapnel, building of defenses, weeping over losses never again found, mending of mistakes, I would not trade it all for a puddle of mud.

I am stronger because of it. I love more deeply because of it. I blossom brightly in spite of it. I continue to grow through what I go through.

The message: You are a diamond.

The following is a partial transcript of a reading I did for myself recently. I decided to share this portion in hopes that the message may benefit others, to be reminded that we are all diamonds.

It begins with the voice of my Spirit Guides.

Our advice is to just continue, things will pan out. Patients and practice. A new day is definitely coming. You will be a part of that. You will be needed, you will be called upon to help in your best capacity. Is there anything else that you wish to ask?

Uh, yeah…at the moment I’m not feeling like I’m reaching very high to give a reading to myself. Why is that?

Are you feeling love? Are you feeling love for yourself? Are you feeling patience, patience with yourself? Or are you kicking yourself for not being something or further along or somehow doing something wrong? You are in exactly the right place. There are no regrets to be had. Love and honor yourself right where you are. Right. Where. You. Are.

Feel the love for yourself that you would for a small child. Honor those feelings. Honor everything about you, your sadness, your weakness, your strength, your excitement, your confidence, and stop kicking yourself for not being better, further along or doing something different. You are enough as you are. We didn’t misguide you. You have been following our guidance. At times it may seem that we’re going off on a tangent, but sometimes that is necessary for you to learn other skills to bring back to your path. So don’t worry about it.

You are exactly on the right path, exactly where you need to be. And this will continue. We only a advise that you pay attention to when you are not loving yourself and expecting more perhaps because your parents expected more. They are gone, they are gone.

You can be proud of yourself. You can love yourself just as you are. You are enough. There is no need to compare yourself to others and feel that you should be more than you are. You will be called upon when the time is ready for you to use your gifts and your skills to help others. You are loved, greatly loved. We wish only that you feel this love for yourself and how great it is. You are a diamond. You are a diamond, multifaceted diamond.

We will sign off now and we wish you great love, great health, and great movement forward at your own pace.

The Importance of Hugs

I never knew the importance of hugs until covid-19 kept us six feet apart. My hug-o-meter is on E. Running on fumes. Easily angered or on the brink of tears watching American Idol.

Yesterday, I graduated from Smith College. The commencement–a day of pomp and circumstance–took place outside my house on the deck. My husband set up a big screen TV to help give me the feeling of being at a real commencement. Soft breezes nudging my thin black gown.

Like many graduation ceremonies this May 2020, it was virtual. No picking up my sister at the airport. No making beds for my daughter and two granddaughters to stay a night or two. I felt un-tethered, texting them to make sure they didn’t miss the flash of my photo and name on the screen.

Names and faces flew by at record speed. No walking up the stairs and across the stage to exchange handshakes for well-deserved diplomas. No flashing cameras held by proud and teary parents. At the end, my husband videotaped me as I threw the mortar board up, into the backyard.

I felt the absence of my parents more deeply than the respective days they died. I’m 64. Still hoping they’re proud of me. Still wanting Mom to help me don my regalia. Maybe it was their spiritual presence that overwhelmed me with grief as I dressed in the bedroom alone before the big event. No hugs.

When the commencement ended, I ceremoniously moved my tassel from right to left. They never instructed us when to do so. I guess they assumed it would just be done. But we were watching from all parts of the globe at different times of the day and night. I felt disconnected. There was no patchwork of live faces on the screen–like on American Idol–with whom to share this rite of passage.

When the screen turned blue, we packed up wires and tissue boxes, went in the house, and watched TV. But not before I got a hug from my husband who said, “I’m so proud of you.”